If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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