Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
