We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
