I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize