if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
