i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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