i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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