Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
