so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
