Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
