god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
