Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
