true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
