im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize