They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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