everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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