you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
