I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
