oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
