you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
