Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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