I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize