i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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