You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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