operation have a gay friend backfired
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
