I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's never too late to be topless.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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