we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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