I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
