It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize