Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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