An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
