its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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