So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't turn off my feet"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
