seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
