Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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