she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
