Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
