I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
