She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
