I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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