I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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