This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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