And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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