She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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