On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
