dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
