the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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