i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
