I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
