May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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