Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
