Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
