We named our party play list daddy issues
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
