Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
