I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize