These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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