Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
