The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
