I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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