So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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