i think my tv is drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
