i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
