I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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