i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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