do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
