I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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