I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
