What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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