it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize