It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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